“Ambition is a frightening thing in the Kingdom of God”

- Chap Clark

I have a confession: I really want to matter.

I secretly (well it’s not secret anymore) long for the knowledge that I am contributing to the world, and to God’s mission. I want to be a small player in the enormous Kingdom efforts happening today. Ok, I said small, I really want to be a big player. I want people to pat me on the back, I enjoy applause, I want people to know that I exist, and that I’m doing something good. I want to leave a legacy and a mark. Wow that sounds really bad saying that I guess…
 I am ambitious, I want to do new things, enable growth, positive change, and innovation, I want to see “results”, changed lives, strengthen fledgling disciples, and lead people to Jesus. I want to lead studies, prepare and deliver good talks, plan life-changing events, hang out with students and journey through life with them.

These are good things, ministry-worthy goals. This all sounds right, right?

The questions is, who am I doing all this stuff for? Oh, for God of course, to say anything else would be very unbecoming of me.

On a good day, I’m doing it for my Father in heaven, that’s what I signed up for, selfless service, giving not taking, shepherding sheep. Pouring out to others as he has poured out for me.

The next day, I’m doing it for me, a subtle and silent shift in motivation, working hard to taste the “fruit” of ministry, success, results, more, grasp at some self-worth.

What does this look like for those of us in vocational ministry?

• Desperately hoping that someone will congratulate you on what a great speaker you are. Is a congratulation really what we are called to?
• Number Fudging (How many people were REALLY at youth group? Why does it matter so much if the number doesn’t please someone? Is it because it reflects on your ambition and ego?
• Being too excited or  fearfully reluctant to answer the “how big is your ministry?” question. Is the size of the ministry a reflection on your worth?
• Being personally crushed if your ministry skill or knowledge is critiqued, it feels like someone just punched you in the stomach. Why does it hurt so much? Maybe your identity as a Christian worker and as a child of God have become dangerously enmeshed.
• Not being able to celebrate good things or success in others.
• Viewing people in your ministry as tools to be used for your aims (nobody would ever say this, but ministers live it out every day)
• Becoming resentful and bitter towards those who stand in the way of “our ministry”.
• Making excuses for sin and poor behavior: “I’m a minister, I’ve got this under control. These rules are really for those in the congregation, I’m doing the Lord’s work here”
• Add your own thing, we all have something that we are desperate for.

The worst part is that this kind of ambition is applauded in the Church. Ministers who “produce” are placed on a pedestal, they sell books, they speak at conferences, they matter. The not so subtle message is that we should be like them, if we worked harder, made better networking connections, did something new and exciting, then we could be on the cover of a magazine too. We would really be doing big things for God, changing the world, being awesome!

Vision and passion are from God, they help answer the prayer of making God’s Kingdom “on earth as in heaven”, but ambition is scary, it’s tempermental, like a playground see-saw , you never know which way the balance is about to shift.

True, great things have been done  by people who had the wrong motivation. Hungry children have been fed, poor people have been cared for, weary spiritual pilgrims have found Christ. Churches have grown. Ambition is powerful, it can “get things done”.

Ultimately, God calls us to a ministry that is for him, and through him. We minister and labor not because we want someone to tell us that we really matter, but because we are on mission with God, we are responding to a call.

Yes, a compliment feels good, it really does! Praise is sweet, but we cannot become addicted, we cannot depend on it as our life-source. If we do, ministry will be an angular rollercoaster of emotional highs and lows, sinking or swimming based on public feedback to our ministry.

That’s not healthy or sustainable, it’s definitely not what God wants for us. It’s empty.

What if you labored faithfully and never got a big pat on the back, publicly affirmed? What if your ministry was like a $10,000,000 anonymous donation to a charity. What if your name never got on the plaque?

Would obedience be reward enough?

We know what the right answer, but it hurts a bit. I know what the right choice is, but I still like acclaim, if I’m even slightly honest.

I pray that we will continue to learn that our identity is rooted as a beloved child of God, not as a do’er, an “important” person. No amount of ministry success will cause God to value you more, you’re already there, you’ve got all the love and worth you can possibly get. I know that, now I just want to live that way.

A reccomended resource that speaks about this topic in church leadership. Definitely worth looking at, a Christianity Today top book.